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It's funny, it always has to be this time of the year. It is not like this is the only time things happens but I guess just there are other portals exist at other times.
Sometimes I think I am tired of this emotional roller coaster. I am not afraid of emotions, they are just tiring and exhausting. Sometimes I feel even tired to just describe them.
I am a strong believer of the possibility of falling in love with anyone. It well could be the next stranger. The point is we train ourselves to love, thus it is independent from the other person. We idealize the figure and that's the figure we love. We fascinate over our own fantasy.
I can not stop myself from rethinking all the moments, chew on every word. So why can't I just reminiscent every other moment in my life like that? Not even the happy ones like the birthday parties and the traveling times? If we should measure the degree of love by the degree of jealousy, then the measurement of memory impact should be the times we review them in our head. Then if one feels no jealousy, one does not love or care? Or does it mean that one is just not a jealousy person. Is the idea of everyone is different really means that everyone is the same? You can't put an equation sign in the middle cause it doesn't fit. Some people match with other people better. Age doesn't necessarily brings knowledge, it just brings decaying.
So how can one be emotionally exhausted if there is no emotion evolved? Can it eventually develop into a more automatic stage of reaction? I can remember the smell and the taste of the skin. The light shedding and the salty taste from perspiration. If I close my eyes, I can feel the similar taste except the different touching skills are reminding me that it is not the same person. How long should it last? Too long sex gets exhausting and it's harder to get to the finish line because it takes more energy to push yourself over the cliff. But when it's too short you feel like it ended abruptly. It's kind of like you are expecting the second layer of chocolate cake and only come to found that it is just a boring one waffle.
In the movie, he said he often can envision his future with a woman before he comes, but afterward he just want them to stop touching him. I wonder if that's true to most people who do not want emotional attachment. I am sick of keep thinking about it and even feel the urge to recording them by typing them out. I don't mind the experiment, but the thing about it after you have experiment for so long, you kind of forgot the feeling of likeness and dis-likeness. You just keep going at it until it stops for one reason or another. Yes, it does it to itself. unstoppable the force.
I finally stop fighting back and just let it happen.
Sometimes I think I am tired of this emotional roller coaster. I am not afraid of emotions, they are just tiring and exhausting. Sometimes I feel even tired to just describe them.
I am a strong believer of the possibility of falling in love with anyone. It well could be the next stranger. The point is we train ourselves to love, thus it is independent from the other person. We idealize the figure and that's the figure we love. We fascinate over our own fantasy.
I can not stop myself from rethinking all the moments, chew on every word. So why can't I just reminiscent every other moment in my life like that? Not even the happy ones like the birthday parties and the traveling times? If we should measure the degree of love by the degree of jealousy, then the measurement of memory impact should be the times we review them in our head. Then if one feels no jealousy, one does not love or care? Or does it mean that one is just not a jealousy person. Is the idea of everyone is different really means that everyone is the same? You can't put an equation sign in the middle cause it doesn't fit. Some people match with other people better. Age doesn't necessarily brings knowledge, it just brings decaying.
So how can one be emotionally exhausted if there is no emotion evolved? Can it eventually develop into a more automatic stage of reaction? I can remember the smell and the taste of the skin. The light shedding and the salty taste from perspiration. If I close my eyes, I can feel the similar taste except the different touching skills are reminding me that it is not the same person. How long should it last? Too long sex gets exhausting and it's harder to get to the finish line because it takes more energy to push yourself over the cliff. But when it's too short you feel like it ended abruptly. It's kind of like you are expecting the second layer of chocolate cake and only come to found that it is just a boring one waffle.
In the movie, he said he often can envision his future with a woman before he comes, but afterward he just want them to stop touching him. I wonder if that's true to most people who do not want emotional attachment. I am sick of keep thinking about it and even feel the urge to recording them by typing them out. I don't mind the experiment, but the thing about it after you have experiment for so long, you kind of forgot the feeling of likeness and dis-likeness. You just keep going at it until it stops for one reason or another. Yes, it does it to itself. unstoppable the force.
I finally stop fighting back and just let it happen.
posted by 离年 at 7:17 PM
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