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August 3, 2021
*Update (August 3, 2021): dropping in to say s2 (i'm looking at you e8) crushed my heart as anticipated ✌️ i almost forgot how much tan ruikang unwittingly leads yaoyuan on but only because he genuinely loves him, as a brother that is. F*CK THIS HURTS......

in the meantime, look at them togetherrrr:
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*Update (June 2, 2021): so i just found out they (finally!) released the preview for season 2 of the audio drama yesterday and I. AM. NOT. OKAY. 😭😭😭

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Guess I'll be needing a whole box of tissues on standby :')

--- Original review ---
如果有一天, 让你心动的再也感动不了你,让你愤怒的再也激怒不了你,让你悲伤的再也不能让你流泪,你便知道这时光,这生活给了你什么,你为了成长,付出了什么。


me after each chapter: this is supposed to have a happy end, right? *cries in a puddle of my tears* (i've seen comments saying that this is based on a true story, but i have no clue how they're doing now. i believe the author mentioned something during his birthday stream or smth so i'll have to check that out!)

over the course of 10 years, we watch yaoyuan go from the epitome of 王子病 ("prince syndrome"), spoiled and coddled to death by his dad, to a young man forced to grow up through, in some form or another, losing the three people he loves—his mom, his dad, and tan ruikang (his second cousin). this story HURTS SO MUCH bc we know how much yaoyuan has to suppress his feelings and pretend to be okay while watching tan ruikang date other women, even giving his country bumpkin ge advice on how to properly treat the ladies, pretending to date a girl himself, and 😭😭😭

the amount of guilt yaoyuan carries for having these feelings (in part due to the homophobia of the time period), the fact that he VOLUNTARILY submits himself to had me crying a river.....

"牛奶仔不喝牛奶了" is the line that will forever wreck havoc on my soul whenever i see it or hear it. it fully captures the loss of who he once was and all the pain he'd had to endured....thank god for the extras bc i genuinely wouldn't consider the main story HE by itself LOL

the story's pace is slow, the business discussions went over my head, and there’s no extravagant "i love you!!!" revelation or grand gesture where everything is sunshine and roses but it suits them perfectly . their relationship is an accumulation of every thought they have of the other, every moment they share in each other’s company, every ounce of longing in their heart when they’re apart. it’s subdued but their love is carved so deeply into their bones that they can never be truly extricated from one another. feitian is an absolute champion at depicting the intricacies of his characters' struggles and relationships and i can't wait to read more of his work *bows*

i'm not sure if i'll ever be ready to hear s2 of the audio drama in the future but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it 😆

wishing 牛奶仔 and 巧克力哥 all the happiness in the world!!

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