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When we think about relationships, we assume two people come together because they love each other.
说起情侣关系，我们总会想到两个因为相爱而走到一起的人。
The word love is often associated with positive connotations.
爱这个词通常和积极的含义联系在一起。
When we hear it we might connect it to actions like support, affection and interest.
当我们听到这个词的时候，我们可能会联想到支持、喜欢和爱好。
On the flip side, however, toxic love exists too and the scary part is that it's not always obvious.
但另一方面，有毒的爱也是存在的，可怕的是这种爱通常并不明显。
When you get caught up in your feelings and passion for your partner, you can become blindsided.
当你陷入对伴侣的感情和激情中时，你会变得盲目。
Psychologists discovered that when we fall in love, the areas of our brains that help us
心理学家发现，当我们陷入爱河时，大脑中寻找可疑线索
pick up on suspicion and make good judgment become less active which is especially dangerous for those
并做出良好判断的部分变得不那么活跃，这对那些
who are involved with a toxic partner. So what does an abusive relationship look like?
陷入有毒伴侣的人而言尤为危险。所以虐待性恋爱关系到底是怎么样的呢？
Let's start out with a more obvious science. Does your partner hit or force intercourse with you?
让我们从更加科学的方面开始。你的伴侣会强迫你性交么？
Physical and sexual abuse should never be tolerated, so why do victims never walk away immediately?
生理和性虐待绝不应忍受，所以为什么受害者从不立即离开呢？
Because abusive partners tend to be very manipulative.
因为施虐者往往很有控制欲。
They might not always be violent like most movies and social media portray it.
他们可能不像大部分电影或媒体中描绘的那样暴力。
"I'm sorry babe I didn't mean to", they'll often say as they embrace their partner with a loving hug
“对不起，宝贝，我不是故意的。”他们经常这么说，同时还给你一个爱的拥抱，
or "I was just having a bad day, I won't do it again".
或者“我今天过得很糟糕，我再也不会这样了。”
This is how it all starts and because the victim usually sees the best in their partner, they'll believe them.
一切就是这么开始的，因为受害者通常只看到对方最好的一面，所以仍然相信他们。
Abusive partners may even make it up to their victims by showering them with gifts the next day.
虐待者甚至可能在第二天给他们的受害者大量的礼物来补偿他们。
They know when to use just enough kindness to win them back every time.
每一次他们都知道何时使用足够的善意重新赢回他们。
When this happens, they'll keep pushing the boundary of what is allowed
当这发生时，他们会不断地越界
to see what they can get away with and that's how this cycle repeats.
想看看他们能逃过什么惩罚，这种循环就这么开始了。
An abusive relationship can also be mental or emotional.
虐待性情侣关系也可以是精神或情感上的。
Common tactics the abuser will use are love bombing and gas lighting.
虐待者常使用的策略是情感轰炸和煤气灯式心理操纵。
When the victim feels like they've had enough and tell their partner they're going to leave,
当受害者觉得自己受够了并告诉伴侣想要离开时，
the abuser will use love bombing and might say something like, "if you leave me, I won't know what to do with myself".
施虐者会使用情感轰炸，可能还会说‘如果你离开我，我一个人不知道该怎么办’等等。
This is why on average victims usually attempt to leave seven times before actually leaving for good.
这也就是为什么受害者通常会在真正离开之前尝试离开7次。
When the victim is being gassed lighted, the abuser will make them feel
受害者遭遇煤气灯式心理操纵时，施虐者会让他们觉得
as though they are going crazy or not remembering things right.
好像自己疯了，或者记忆出现偏差。
Consequently, the victim will start to blame themselves for the actions of their partner.
因此，受害者会开始因为对方的行为而自责。
This is how the abuser stays in control, pulling at the strings of the victim
施虐者用这种方式掌控全局，拉着受害者的绳子
whether they guilt trip them or threaten to hurt themselves if they leave.
不管使用负罪感牵绊他们还是威胁他们。
More often than not, the victim will be too afraid to leave the relationship, worrying it's not a safe decision.
通常受害者太过害怕而不管离开，担心离开并不是一个安全的决定。
In extreme cases, it can even be life-threatening where women are 70 times more likely to be killed after they leave the relationship
极端情况中，甚至会有生命威胁，女性在分手后被杀的可能性是男性的70倍
and sometimes it can be the social pressures that cause victims to suffer longer than they wish.
有时可能是社会压力导致受害者遭受更长时间的痛苦。
Some abusers will seem like the perfect spouse who is financially and professionally successful
一些施虐者表面上是完美的伴侣，不管经济还是事业都很成功，
friends and family members of the victim might get easily sucked into the abusers dangerously charming ways
受害者的朋友和家人轻易陷入了施虐者危险的魅力之中
and believe they are Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, dismissing the victims horror stories.
并相信他们是完美伴侣而无视受害者的恐怖故事。
The list goes on but the relationship doesn't have to.
这样的例子不胜枚举，但这种关系并不是必须的。
If you believe you're being abused by your partner or know someone who might be,
如果你认为自己遭到了伴侣的虐待或是认识的朋友受到这种遭遇，
please report this to the police. Change will seem scary at first
请报警。起初，改变是可怕的，
but staying in a relationship until it worsens will only put you in greater danger.
但呆在这段越来越糟糕的关系中只会让你更加危险。
Remember you are worthy of being loved in a healthy supportive way.
记住你值得这些健康甜甜的恋爱。
Is there anything else we missed? Let us know in the comment section down below.
还有什么是我们漏掉的？请在下方评论告知。
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更多有用内容，请订阅我们的频道。
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感谢收看，请关注我们的这一系列视频。
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